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Hold the key to my desire - How to start with Chastity Play?


What is chastity play?

Chastity belt. A vaguely medieval device designed to keep genitals out of touch. This idea is no stranger to our collective imagination. But chastity play is also a very real practice that can grant a lot of emotional and sexual satisfaction.

As some people brand it as too extreme, it’s hard to know what is myth and what is reality when it comes to using chastity as a sexual kink. After all, not only metal and clunky chastity belts can make up chastity play… And you can even incorporate it into your sex life with no tools - just words.

So let’s dive into the workings of chastity play, how to do it safely, and why it can be such a turn on.



The psychology of chastity kink

The forbidden fantasy

Femdom Chastity Illustration by Kinky Karrot

Sex has long been a taboo in our society and this taboo has turned into a fantasy in itself. A lot of the things we consider sexy have to do with how morally edgy they can be - having an affair, having sex in public, pet play… The list goes on.

When it comes to chastity, this relationship runs even deeper, because it touches on something very primal; how sex is a mix of sacred and profane for all of us. Virginity and chastity have been long linked to virtue - while sexual desire can be considered immoral. Chastity plays exactly with these two very basic concepts - which means that it can spark fire into our darkest desires.

Of course, this is a nuanced fantasy, and it can be different for every person. For some, the turn on comes from the frustration of delaying orgasm, of postponing sexual release. For others, the idea of having someone else in control of their sexuality is the kink. And there are those who get off on the humiliation that can come with chastity play.


Benefits of chastity play

Whatever the reasoning behind getting into chastity play is, it can have a number of benefits for your sex life. It can deepen bonds between partners, be an exercise in self-control and as it is with any kink help you have a freer, happier life - inside and outside of the bedroom.

If this is something that already sparks your interest but you don’t know how to get started, fear not - we have all the information you’ll need to know.


Female and male chastity play

While this binarity can be limiting when it comes to describing bodies, it’s worth noticing there is a difference between the fantasy of chastity for men and women - cis or trans. This is because virginity holds a very different value for different genders.

For centuries, the value of a woman was placed on whether or not she was a virgin until marriage. This is primarily related to reproduction control - but it’s still something that hangs over the head of women all over. Chastity belts were sometimes described as anti-rape devices as well - and very little is said about how it prevented women from touching themselves (probably because female mastubation has long been taboo).

So, for women to take control over these devices that were meant at first to control them can be empowering - even if at first the idea seems contradictory. If you’d like to know more about sexual submission and female empowerment, you should check out our article on feminist subs!

On the other hand, men have always been encouraged and praised for sexual prowess. So for them, submitting and surrendering complete control over their sexuality can be extremely sexy. Male sexuality is still very phallocentric - so taking the dick out of the equation can be even liberating. For many, the fantasy relies on an idea of symbolic castration - and the sensations of humiliation and powerlessness stemming from it - especially in a society that demands men to constantly be in control.




Is chastity play safe?

Chastity play is safe, but there are certain precautions and things to have in mind before starting. After all, not only it can be involved with blood circulation and hygiene, but it also can bring forth powerful emotions and toy with sensitive parts of our minds. Observing these precautions, you should be able to do it safely!

As with any other kinky practice, it’s very important to establish a safe word and also consider aftercare rituals – we even have a complete article on the topic here at Kinky Karrot! Before getting into any kinky play, it’s very important to establish boundaries as well as a good channel of communication between everyone involved.



How to choose a safe chastity device

There are different devices out there – and all of them serve different purposes. We will dive into the specifics of them later, but in choosing it’s always very important that you find something that is comfortable and not too restricting. Also, make sure that there is an extra key in a safe place just in case.

Be very careful with how long you use your devices for! Especially if you have a penis. Some chastity tools can be used long term – even weeks at a time, but you should always follow manufacturer’s instructions and take them off as soon as anything feels odd.


  • Does it hurt to play with chastity cages and belts? It shouldn’t, however, it can – if the design is specifically designed to do so. Some chastity belts even have piercings or other accessories designed to punish the wearer – if they get an erection, for example. These more hardcore devices are used by people who are into pain as a sexual kink – and these cages can be useful when engaging in cock and ball torture. However, these kinks should be practiced by people familiar with BDSM and impact play – and never by beginners. If you are wearing a simple chastity device not intentionally meant to cause pain, then rest assured it won’t.

  • How to maintain hygiene while wearing a chastity belt? For the devices meant to be worn for longer periods of time, there are always holes made for stuff to go out but never go in. The belts should be kept clean though – ideally with a good wash every day. Genitals should be wiped with a wet tissue. If the user intends to keep the belt on for longer than a week, then it’s important to take it out every seven days and give it a good clean in and out. If someone else is holding the key, it’s essential they do it responsibly and understand the need of freeing the wearer from time to time to keep a hygiene routine. Also, essential; after cleaning, make sure everything is super dry – device and genitals. Excess humidity can cause fungi and bacteria to grow, leading up to infections – and nobody wants that.




Chastity devices for every fantasy



  • Chastity belts Chastity belts are a classic, and there are many models to choose from – from flexible leather to sturdy metal ones. These are also the devices indicated for those interested in long-term chastity play. They can come in different designs for people with penises and vulvas. Belts are also usually preferred by the ones with experience – and that are in an established D/s relationship. Many modern ones are also designed to fit comfortably under clothes.

  • Chastity cages Chastity cages are designed for penises and most of the time, they control erections – control, not completely prevent! They have a hole to allow urination and are put in place while the penis is flaccid. There are heavier cages made in metal, and also some lighter ones made from PVC or silicon. The market is vast, and it provides several different sensations – some of them can even be used long term. Just always make sure that when using a cage, it’s appropriate for your particular size and it allows two fingers of space between material and skin – to avoid any circulation problems.

  • Extreme chastity devices Like we have said before, some devices can amp up sensation by introducing genital piercings to the mix – these ones are very special and it’s not uncommon to have them made to order so they can be tailored to the wearer’s size and desires. Definitely a toy for the more experienced, the extreme chastity devices can be an amazing tool for those who get off on submission and pain.




Light chastity play

But if you think chastity play is reserved only for experienced BDSM lovers, you’re very wrong. There are many ways to incorporate chastity play into your sex life in light and simple ways.

  • Cock rings are a great way to start – simpler than cages and belts, they don’t control erection but prevent ejaculation – which is a way to play with delayed gratification and sexual frustration.

  • Edging, the technique to tease and delay someone’s orgasm is also a light form to incorporate chastity play into your routine – and it requires no tools but your imagination! You can do it to yourself or a lover – simply telling them, “You cannot cum until we meet again” can be the start of a whole new world of adventures in bed.

Chastity play is a universe in itself – and it hits differently for everyone. But it can be a tool for pleasure, self-discovery and deeper bonding. Have you ever tried? We would love to know the details! Share your chastity fantasy story in the comment section on the very bottom of this page!