The Magic of Dirty Talk: How to get past shame and get chatting!
From porn to jokes, the fantasy of dirty talking is everywhere. The idea of translating into words our deepest, dirtiest desires is something so common and human we have been doing it for years – since we were still in caves, to be precise.
There are rock paintings full of explicit sexual innuendo; erotic recounting dating back to the Mesopotamia; spicy bathroom wall writings from ancient Rome. So, it’s pretty clear that as long as we have been able to talk, we also wanted to talk dirty.
But how to bring this natural desire into your own sex life? How to get past shyness, awkwardness, and the fear of sounding too crass? Well, these tips are going to transform you into a pro of sensual communication.
Why should I try dirty talk?
It is scientifically proven: dirty talk can improve your sex life. Why? Well, basically, when we hear someone describing a scenario, our brain reacts the same way it would if it were actually happening. So, words are powerful, and can increase pleasure and create more intense sexual experiences.
Not to mention, it can improve our communication skills – which is something always useful outside of the bedroom, too. It can help us identify and verbalize what we want and deepen the bond within relationships.
“Okay, I’m convinced, but how do I actually do dirty talk?”
We have the answers.
How to not be ashamed and start talking dirty?
Use words you feel comfortable with
As with everything else in life, the rule of thumb is to be yourself. Yes, it sounds cliché, but often people feel uncomfortable talking dirty because it feels out of character to them. So, you don’t have to embody the vocabulary of a pornstar, or force saying words that make you cringe inside.
Instead, use words that you’re comfortable with. For example, you feel better saying “member” instead of “dick”? Do it! We promise you’ll sound a lot sexier if you’re in the flow and comfortable with what you’re saying. You don’t need to change the way you speak to sound good!
Practice describing scenarios/sensations
Remember the part where the brain reacts to scenarios being described? Think about how much power that gives you. Basically, you can induce sensations in your lover just by painting exciting scenarios with words.
It also means that in the end, it’s not about using super dirty vocabulary, but being descriptive and savoring the sensations you are talking about. In this sense, you can spice up your dirty talk game by practicing! Start by imagining sexy scenarios and narrating them in your head. You can even describe random objects that have nothing to do with sex around you; it’ll help get your creative juices flowing and get in touch with your descriptive vocabulary.
Think about how the other person makes you feel
A big psychological need humans try to fulfill in sex is the desire to be desired. To know you turn someone on is a delightful feeling, and you can explore that even further with dirty talk. Think about how your lover makes you feel; what do you fantasize about doing to them? What parts of their body excite you? What do they do in bed that knocks your socks off?
Remember to be as descriptive as possible when whispering sweet nothings into their ear; smells, textures, sounds – if you like them in your partner, make sure they know that!
The secret is to slowly build confidence. You can start by just saying “I’ve been thinking about your body all day,” and with time, experiment with this or that. The more you check your partner’s reactions, the more confidence you’ll gain.
It’s also the best way to gage the level of crass you – and your lover – are comfortable with.
Some more killer dirty talk tips
Using pet names
A pet name used just in sexy time can be riveting. It’s a shared secret and can make sex that much more intimate.
Fun names for genitals
Sometimes talking about genitals can be the most difficult part. So here is a list of some names to get you inspired; there are some innocent versions as well as super explicit!
And some pairing adjectives:
Some good dirty talk templates
Need extra help? No worries, we got you! Here are some fun templates to get you started:
Do you like when I do ____?
You feel so (wet/warm/tight) inside.
Your ______ feels so good.
I love it when you do ________.
I can’t stop thinking about your _______.
I love the (sounds/moans/faces) you make.
I want to make you cum/climax/feel good.
I go crazy when you _______.
I can’t wait to feel your lips on my (cock/pussy)
Do you like it when I fuck you slow like this?
Can you feel how hard/wet/turned on you’re making me?
Can I cum for you?
Do you like being my dirty slut/whore/girl/boy?
Bonus: How to improve your sexting game
Yesss, remember the power of description again? That can be even more fun when you are sexting. Describe a fantasy, what you want to do with a person when you see them, what you are thinking about… And have your lover’s brain relishing in that fantasy until the moment comes for you to fulfill it. The best part is you don’t need to be very crass – or even explicit at all. Here are some examples of sexy texts you can send to stimulate your lover’s imagination:
I can’t stop thinking about your body. I can’t wait to have you in front of me again.
I miss the sounds that you make when I go down on you. I can’t wait to hear them again.
Tonight, I want to take things slow, and really savor every second to make you feel good.
I’m touching myself thinking about the last time – it just drives me crazy every time I think about it.
Work the pacing
If you are sexting with someone and things are getting heated up, don’t rush to get to the end. Instead, work the pacing in your favor. Tease, go slow so you can not only have more fun in doing it, but also practice your own skills in talking dirty.
Incorporate voice memos/pics
Never, never underestimate the power of voice! If it’s consensual and your dynamic allows it, incorporating voice messages is a hell of a sexy way to spice things up. Even just a breathy, raspy good morning audio can be a powerful thing.
And of course, pics! Even if you’re not doing to fully exchange nudes – incorporating photos of your lips, a patch of skin, hands – all of this can be an amazing visual aid. Just make sure to be creative and put your imagination to use!
So, there you have it!
Dirty talk is not a magic skill; instead, is something you can naturally incorporate into your sex life bit by bit – and with time, you’ll gain more confidence in exploring and trying new things. It’s also a sexy way to check in with your partner and communicate during sex.
What’s YOUR experience with dirty talk? Do you feel like we missed anything important? We would love to know! Tell us all about it in the comment section on the very bottom of this page!