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  • Julia Burghardt

Am I kinky? What is kinky sex


What is kinky sex? kinky for beginners

sexy Cartoon Girl in Pony Play BDSM gear Pegging Art

Every aspect of a love life is as diverse as the people who live it. One facet of it is kinky sex. For many couples and singles, kinky sex is the first step out of their familiarity and into the discovery of their own, more complex sexuality.


What exactly is kinky sex and what is its appeal? How do newbies get their first experience? And you may ask yourself: Am I kinky? Let's explore the basics of kinky sex below.



Kinky - what? What is kinky sex?


"Kinky" means something like perverted, dirty or even twisted. But the term is by no means as negative as it sounds. Kinky stands for self-determination, shared experience and the courage to try something new.


Where exactly kink begins, or what forms it takes, is a purely personal interpretation. Because what exactly is considered norm deviating or even perverse, depends strongly on your personal sexuality, your own values or the imprint of upbringing or environment. The interpretation of the term "perverse" alone can be either negative or positive from person to person.


Your own kinky boundaries will also change again and again in the course of your sex life. What deviates from the "usual" sex for you today, can already be absolute normality in one or two years.




What is kinky?

The meaning of kinky is roughly everything outside of the so called vanilla sex. At the same time, the individual definition of kink is primarily shaped by one's own experiences and can change over the course of one's life.




Why kinky sex can be an asset for you


Kinky sex is not just about exciting new techniques. To try them, you need to be aware of your own desires. This means that you also need to get to know your body and your desires. So getting started with kinky sex first requires you to come to terms with yourself and be honest with yourself. Testing out new ideas and practices sends you on an even deeper journey to yourself. You get to know your body and all its sexual facets much more closely and recognize where your limits lie and where they are perhaps not yet reached. This testing not only makes you more confident in bed or in a partnership, it also strengthens your self-confidence in everyday life.





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10 kinky things to try


  • Use Toys: Never experimented with dildos, plugs or vibrators before? Then they are the perfect introduction to kinky sex. This way, you can also test out what you like on your own.

  • Get out of bed: Admittedly, sex in the kitchen or on the washing machine (cliché, but effective) is already exciting. But try it also in more public places, like the handjob or fingering in the restaurant under the table. But be careful: no one should be bothered by this - except your partner.

  • Role-playing and role reversal: Slipping into other people's roles for a moment is fun! You don't have to be the clichéd nurse or schoolgirl. There are no limits to your imagination! You can also just swap your naturally found roles. You are rather submissive? Then it's time for some dominance!

  • Dirty talk and sexting: Dirty talk takes some effort, but it can be intoxicating. Try it only during sex and not before - this brings more security and you are already in the right mood. Sexting, erotic text messages for example sent as SMS, can stimulate even before the actual act.

  • Watching: Looking but not touching can be incredibly arousing. The self-confident can satisfy themselves in front of their partner. If you're not ready yet, you can also look at yourselves in the mirror first during sex - that gets you even more excited.

  • Give up control: You can relinquish control during sex by trying gentle bondage. To begin with, it's best to use velvet ropes or cloth straps - they're gentle on the skin. Wireless vibrators also sweeten your everyday life outside of bed. Your partner can control them for you anytime and anywhere, and you never know when exactly the time will come.

  • Feel pain: Pain excites many people and can be a first introduction to harder practices. Try candle wax, light spanking or pinching in the beginning. More advanced users can also try spanking, which is hitting your butt with a whip or paddle.

  • Open boundaries: If you and your partner agree, a step toward kinky sex can also be the classic 3-way. Fetish parties also increase the tension. Here it also does not necessarily come to sex with other people, simply the possibility is given.

  • Excite: Well-chosen clothing can contribute decisively to the mood. Whether it's sexy lace underwear, a playful harness or a tight latex dress - the important thing is that you feel sexy and above all comfortable in it. Then your partner will automatically perceive it that way.

  • Surprise: Kinky sex is always about breaking old patterns and the tension that comes from uncertainty. A simple but effective step leads out of the comfort zone. Surprise your partner sometimes outside the bed or at places and times where he does not expect it.



Kinky sex in the relationship: How to get started successfully


In a relationship, it is not always easy to express new sexual desires. The partner can quickly be caught off guard or fear that something is wrong with the previous sex life. So if you want to try something new and dare the first kinky walk attempts in a partnership, good communication is the most important thing. The desire for something new is perfectly normal and maybe your partner also has needs that he hasn't been able to tell you so far. All the better if you take the first step. But be careful: start small and don't overcharge with practices that interest you but skip several steps at once.

Surprise your partner with a toy that sweetens the sex. Make a trip to the countryside and use the time together to not only nibble on the dessert. The first steps into the world of kinky sex are as varied as the possibilities. But it is always important that you agree on what you want.

--> read our article about How to talk about your desires with your partner



WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU

Do you have kinky sex or fantasies in that direction that you would like to try? What's your favorite kind of kinky sex and why isn't flower sex enough for you anymore? Write us in the comment section on the very bottom of this page! We're excited and look forward to hearing from you.


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