Three is a crowd? Well… Not always! The fantasy of bringing a third party into bed is one of the most common ones around, but there are some basic things you should know before making it a reality.
Lucky for you we have a comprehensive guide with the five most important things you need to know before diving into the ménage-à-tróis pool. So come with us!
Is doing a threesome a good idea?
Well, the answer to this question is very personal. But if you have been thinking about it for a while, we have some facts that can help out.
First off, threesomes are one of the most popular and common sexual fantasies out there - with 95% of men and 87% of women reporting they've thought about doing it. So, if your head has been wandering there – don’t feel left out.
When it comes to actually doing it, however, this number drops; a study found that 30% of the sampled people have engaged in a threesome; with the majority of experiences being of mixed gender threesomes (female-male-female or male-female-male).
The benefits of having a threesome
The drive behind the fantasy is primal and human; wanting to have sex with more than one person has to do with the feeling of being intensely desired, so much so this desire comes from more than one human.
For many people, having threesome sex is a matter of bucket list; just one of those things one has to do at least one time in life. For long-term couples, is a way to shake things up and bring about fun and kink into the sex life.
In addition, the experience can open new possibilities; it leads to a variety of sensations and play that twoway sex simply cannot phisycally provide.
Furthermore, on a psychological level, it can help one understand themselves better, as well as improve communication and connection in relationships, as having a threesome requires a lot of fine tuning between a couple!
How to prepare for a threesome?
Planned vs. spontaneous – the million dollar question
The question of whether or not a threesome should be planned or simply “happen” has not a simple answer. Some people swear that it is not possible to schedule something like this, as it should come naturally. Some others say it’s important to make the circumstances happen instead of waiting for them.
Of course, there are pros and cons to both; while spontaneous threesomes can feel more adventurous and fun, planned ones can also come with a lot of excitement and anticipation while you prepare for the big day.
Wherever you stand, one thing is certain; if you are doing it with a partner, being on the same page is important. Even if you just are willing to see where it goes if it happens one day.
This is why it’s important to talk about it, negotiate boundaries and make sure you listen to your partner’s desires and concerns before the big moment comes.
So let’s get into how to dive into these negotiations.
Setting rules and boundaries for threesome sex
When you think about a threesome, what is the main thing to expect to experience with it? Talking about expectations honesty is the first step to making fantasies come true. Would you really like to feel desired and worshipped by two people? Are you more into the idea of watching them getting it on? Is it a dream of yours to have two mouths perform oral sex on you at the same time? Be sure to be as honest as possible!
Then, talk about your fears involving the threesome. Are you scared of feeling left out? Do you fear being compared to the other person? The thought of your partner penetrating someone else makes you irk?
With all the expectations and fears on the table, it’s time to negotiate! This is an amazing exercise for couples as you can learn to compromise and understand each other’s needs and limits – something that can be useful outside of the bedroom, too. Make sure to find middle ground and always talk about the emotions and feelings behind your fears.
How to deal with jealousy in a threesome? First thing is to accept that it might happen. Jealousy is a human emotion, and to think that you cannot feel it because you are engaging in a threesome is probably going to enhance and trigger these feelings even more. Make sure you talk to your partner to understand what your deepest fears are so you can go into it feeling safer. But if in the middle of it you catch a glimpse of something that makes your stomach churn, don’t fight it. Instead, ride with it. Tell yourself you are in an exciting and provoking scenario and that feeling jealous can be a part of it. Don’t be afraid to speak out. To say, “hey, I’m feeling a little left out!” – or “how about we try something else, now?”. In the heat of the moment, being honest and direct about what you want is the best way to deal with feelings of jealousy and dejection.
Performance pressure in a threesome – how to avoid it? Thinking you are going to be with two people in bed can also trigger a very different type of anxiety – the fear of failing to perform. This can happen to anyone, but affects men in particular – as they fear not being able to handle and meet the expectations of the two partners. The remedy against this is to really understand the threesome is about three people having fun together – it’s not about one of them wowing or impressing the other two. Sex should never be about performance but about interaction. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, remember that the whole point of a threesome is to allow the three involved to interact – and the pressure shouldn’t be on only one person.
How to find a threesome partner?
Okay – you are ready to go. Now how to find the perfect partner for a threesome? There are plenty of options – both on and offline!
Try apps/websites Quick and easy, this can be a great way to find someone interesting and even talk and get to know them prior to meeting. Tinder, Happn, OkCupid are good options – but there are specialized apps too where you can find people specifically looking for a threesome – like Feeld.
Explore your circle Finding interesting people among the ones you already find interesting can be a surprisingly good option too. If your friend circle is open minded enough, telling people you might be interested in trying a threesome, if they’d know of someone who’d be down can get you some really interesting results.
Go to sex-positive parties For the ones feeling especially adventurous, sex-positive parties are a great way to find the perfect third. These places are packed with open-minded daredevils who would be glad to introduce you to the world of threesomes.
Try low-key settings - bars, parties, etc. While these places are less “guaranteed” to end in threesome, do you keep your eyes – and mind – open. Like we have said before, most people fantasize about a threesome. So chances are, whenever you’re grabbing a drink at the local bar – there’s someone else there who would love to do it, too.
How to stay safe during threesomes?
Consider testing
Testing regularly for STIs should be part of a good sexual hygiene routine. So it’s always a good idea to do a check up every six months to a year. If you’re planning your threesome ahead of time, talk to the people involved to show exams beforehand – this can make things much more relaxed.
Never too much of condoms and lube
However, even if you are tested it does not eliminate the need for preservative use. It’s super important to remember condoms should only be used once for each orifice – so it’s crucial to stock up to have plenty to change while playing.
Having lube at hand it’s also a great way to keep safe, as it prevents tearings that can increase contamination risks – besides making everything smoother.
Also important is to make sure to not share toys. Using condoms for them is an easy way to prevent toys passing from orifice to orifice without having to clean up in between.
Fun tips to enjoy your threesome
Explore different threesome constellations
There are so many possibilities to enjoy a threesome! Two girls, one guy. Two guys, one girl. Three girls – three guys. Think outside the box and keep in mind that ALL gender combinations are possible- even outside the binary system!. The results can be very fun!
Adding kink to the play
If you feel you’re ready for the next step, you can incorporate kink into your threesome! Playing with kinky outfits, role-playing, edging and spanking are just a few ways to spice things up even more!
What are your experiences with threesomes? Ever had one? Would you do it again? Would you like to try? We would love to hear your threesome stories! Tell us all about it in the comment section on the very bottom of this page!