What is Femdom, anyway?
The world of BDSM is full of possibilities. There are many niches, different plays, and several fun ways of incorporating power play -also called D/s for Dominance/submission - into sexual activities. One of the niches that arise most interest and curiosity, however, is Femdom.
Femdom stands for Female Dominance - and the simple explanation is the Femdom is any D/s play in which the dominant part is someone who identifies as a woman. Of course, there is much more to it - and this world is much more fun and fascinating than you imagine! So in the following text you will learn about Femdom, its history, how it works and how you can apply it to spice up your sex life!
What makes Femdom so special?
Femdom play does not conform to one sexual orientation or gender dynamic. Even if the image that comes to mind the most is a dominatrix who dominates men, that is just one of many possible arrangements! Femdom is very popular among lesbian lovers - and some dominatrices can dominate couples, too!
Speaking of domniatrices - while every dominatrix practices Femdom, Femdom is not only practiced by Dominatrices. We explain; a dominatrix is usually a paid professional. Some synonyms for the word include Pro-Domme, Domme and Mistress. The role of a dominatrix may not even involve physical pain. The power play can take other forms - name calling, humiliating tasks, servitude, to name just a few. But we will get deeper into this later.
Femdom is a direct subversion of the gender roles assigned in society - it allows women to step into their power and practise dominance in a safe space. This might be incredibly empowering, but don’t be fooled thinking Femdom is a modern phenomenon!
A Brief History of Female Domination
The archetype of the female sexual prowess dates back to ancient Mesopotamia - goddess Innana was the figure to embody the ideals of a powerful and dominating woman, and many prayers and chants referred to her alluring sensual influence.
In the middle ages, a medieval cautionary tale recounts the story of Phylis and Aristotle - a woman whose seductive powers were so irresistible she was able to render the great greek philosopher submissive. Often this myth is portrayed with Aristotles on all fours, and Phylis riding him. Kinky, huh?
Besides, there were accountings of female dominance throughout the medieval times - even reports of some whipping. But it was after the Renaissance, however, that dominatrices amassed more recognition. Some historians even call the 19th century the “Golden Age of Governesses,” as there was a rise in popularity for “Houses of Discipline.” In them, many male clients were exposed to devices created to inflict pain and/or humiliation.
In the 20th century, after World War II, the image of the sexually alluring and dangerous woman entered the mainstream pop-culture, with the rise of femme fatales in Film Noir. A lot of what we associate with Dominatrices to this day - from demeanor to attire - can be attributed to them. In fact, one of the most emblematic Film Noirs of all time, Double Idemnity, names the protagonist femme fatale “Phyllis.”
Also, with the feminist and sexual liberation movements, Femdom began to gain even more popularity and fetish and leather attire were incorporated slowly by the community.
What does Femdom look like in real life?
As we have mentioned, Femdom can be practised both professionally and personally - and all sexual orientations can be a part of the fun. One thing to consider no matter the scenario; incorporating consent is always a key part of the play.
The dynamics vary a lot - even a little bit of Dominance/submission play can be considered Femdom, but there are also more extreme forms of practising it. For professional dominatrices, Femdom can offer clients a healing from the pressures men face in everyday life. They can also serve as guides for loving couples to find new ways of having more fun in bed.
But if you are feeling your inner Inanna and want to have a try at this Femdom business, here are a few of the most common practices and what they entail. Just remember; BDSM should always be done safely so all parts can enjoy the best the experiences can offer!
Femdom can be…
Name-calling - From calling your sub a “good boy,” all the way to have them call you Mistress, words can be a powerful tool in bed. Incorporating dominatrix vocabulary into your dirty talk can be an amazing way of starting at Femdom, and you can even do it via text.
Whipping - It’s like they say… Bad boys deserve some spanking! Whipping is one of the essential fantasies of the Femdom world - and experimenting with it can be super exciting for Mistresses and subs! You can start with a light spanking and go up over time - riding crops are also great accessories for this.
Boot worship - Foot fetish - only hardcore. Being a “bootlicker” is not always a bad thing! As Domme's attire can include loads of leather and latex, the extreme adulation of boots is a one very common practise in the world of Femdom - being an entire niche in itself.
Financial domination - Sometimes the play doesn’t have to involve sex - only wallets participate. From requiring expensive presents, to having subs paying all their bills and even cleaning and tidying up their apartament, many Dominatrices tap into the possibilities of financial domination - a niche that is growing more and more lately!
Chastity Play - We know - the world “chastity” brings some weird images to mind - but it is a sworn-by fetish for many people in the BDSM community. The play is not exactly about virginity - but orgasm deprivation. As this is a more extreme form of play, you should start slow. Experimenting with a cockring to delay orgasm is an excellent way to begin. When you are ready, start thinking about chastity belts - the possibilities are infinite, and some of them can even be used for days, denying the sub any sexual aliviation for a while - which can result in explosive desire! As anything in BDSM play, the key here is to go slow, and never stretch past limits. Chastity play can be harmful to male and female subs and should always be done carefully.
Pegging - Bend over, boyfriend! Reversing roles and taking a man from behind with the help of strapon - for years the act remained unnamed, until the term was coined in the 90s. Apart from the thrill of the genderswap, pegging also stimulates the prostate directly - which happens to also be the male g-Spot. Anal play is a favorite for kinky lovers of all genders, but the act of pegging takes it to the next level! In addition, many strapons come with special features; such as double-ended dildos, vibrations, and much more. Just don’t forget the lube!
Sissification - or feminization is the act of making a sub -usually a man -take on a submissive role based on specific feminine codes. This includes dressing up - with many outfits being created specifically for this purpose - as well as the change of pronouns and referring to a male genitalia as a female one. Cross-dressing, heels, make-up can be a big part of it - and this play allows men to explore femininity in ways they are not usually allowed to. Many subs can even engage in “sissy training,” so they can become experts in the role.
Ball-busting One of the most extreme practises in Femdom, ball-busting is also known as cock torture or CBT. It consists in the torture of male genitalia - and it can involve mild to high levels of pain. Some of the practises include wayplay, genital spanking, urethral play, electroshocks - even kicking. We advise to only try ball-busting with the help of a professional if you are interested! They will be the best to guide you in the practise so it is fun and safe for everyone involved.
Of course, this is just a small sample of what’s out there, and like any other BDSM fantasies, it’s always fun to mix and match! There is a vibrant community for Femdom online, and you can discover a lot about what you’d like to try by reading other people’s experiences, or even tapping into some fantasy - like Femdom erotica. The first step is to start slow, build confidence and never stop!
Ready to awaken the dominatrix who lives inside of you? Tell us all of your experiences in the comment section on the very bottom of this page, we can’t wait to hear about them!