Ah, gay sex. Lots of mystery and misconceptions surrounding it, but very few people actually speak frankly about how men can enjoy each other. But not at KinkyKarrot! Today, we are going to talk about gay sex: myths, basics, and advanced techniques!
So, what does it mean to be gay?
Working with definitions, gays are people who identify as men who are attracted to other men. This doesn’t mean that bisexual men cannot have gay sex either!
Bears, twinks, and types of gays - is it even a thing?
One of the biggest myths surrounding gay sex regards “types of gays.” This refers to certain roles some gay people like to enforce – in bed and otherwise. Although there are gay men who happily identify with these types, being gay is a colorful spectrum – you can either be happy with being a bear, a twink, something in between, a mix of some, or none of that.
Bears refer to gay men who are hairy, a tad chubby, and usually sport beards. Twinks, on the other hand, is the code for tiny, more “effeminate” men. The problem is some people use these stereotypes to segregate – which is a sad reality when it comes to a community that is already isolated. If the “type” is there to generate fun and empower – then it’s all good. But these types should never be used as slurs.
How does gay sex work?
Okay, now let’s get straight to it. It’s time to get into the mechanics of gay sex. If you have never tried it and are looking for the basics – we got you covered!
Gay sex is as colorful as the gay world itself. There are many possibilities, and the most important thing is to prioritize one’s pleasure and comfort. But here are some of the burning questions concerning it so you can get started!
What does top/bottom mean?
Okay, so. Being a top or a bottom is a big thing in the community, but also a big myth. Basically, it refers to whether or not one likes to be passive during penetration, or active. However, being a bottom or a top also means more than that. It can also have to do with initiative and dominance during the sexual act. In general, bottom men feel more pleasure when being penetrated and being leaded in sex, while tops prefer to penetrate and take charge in bed.
While many men identify themselves as a top or a bottom, these definitions also shouldn’t be constricting. Even because, there is a lot more to sex than penetration alone! These dynamics can be fluid.
How do I know if am I top or bottom?
This is always very subjective! For some people, this is a fixed thing. Some men identify as top or bottom and feel like that is unchangeable. For others, it can change depending on the situation or who they are with – they are called versatile. For others, it varies during life.
This feeling comes from deep within – so to find out whether or not these typecasts apply to you, it’s important to stay in tune with your intuition and fantasies – and know that whatever path you want it’s okay, valid, and should bring you pleasure.
Watching porn, reading erotica, and masturbating are great ways to know and explore your body, and find out what works for you. Just remember; taking it up the ass is not exclusive either to bottoms or gay men! To know what you like, experimenting with different things is always the best way to go.
Is gay sex always anal sex?
Short answer? No. Long answer? Not at all! The myth that penetration is all sex is does not only apply to straight couples. However, there are many other ways to have fun and pleasure together.
Anal sex is a big part of gay sex because men derive a lot of pleasure from being anally penetrated (and this can apply to all men, regardless of their sexual orientation). This is because the prostate, located in the rectum, is full of nerve endings and considered the male G-spot. It’s also an important part of ejaculation, so stimulating it is a source of great delights!
A lot of the times, gay sex does not involve penetration at all. After all, there are many other possibilities and erogenous zones to be explored. Oral sex, sensation play, mutual masturbation, D/s dynamics, edging… Just to cite a few of the things gay men can try in bed.
Not always anal sex is going to be an option – it doesn’t mean that gay men can’t enjoy and celebrate their bodies. And even with anal play, it doesn’t mean only penis-in-butt. Prostate massaging, for example, is an amazing thing one can try. To find the prostate, curve your finger like you’re doing a “c’mon” gesture (considering your partner is facing you). This is guaranteed to make them see sparks!
Some popular gay sex positions
Here are some of the most popular gay sex positions for you to get started:
Doggy style Always a classic! This position is great for anal sex, therefore being one of the number one hits for gay men! It allows for deep penetration, and it also provides a lot of visual stimulation.
Missionary The idea that missionary applies mostly to gay sex is nothing but a myth! Not only does it allow for great prostate stimulation, but it’s also intimate and deep. And not to mention, comfortable!
Cowboy Yeeha! It’s time to go for a ride! Riding facilitates prostate stimulation, gives the receiving part lots of control and makes lots of room for masturbation – not to mention, eye contact!
Cliff diver A more “pro” version of doggy style, in the cliff diver the top stands and holds the bottom by the hips – while they hold themselves up on the floor. It grants deep penetration and it’s also a hell of a workout!
Rusty trombone One word: Rimming! The rusty trombone asks for one partner to perform annalingus while masturbating the partner – and the result is an explosion of sensations.
This is just a preview. Trying and experimenting is the best way to find your favorite positions – after all, everyone is different!
Gay sex fantasies and kinks
Sexual kinks and fantasies are universal! But there are some fantasies specific to the gay community which speak to their experiences and desires. They make for great roleplays – and also can be a way to heal from discrimination and prejudice! Here are some common gay fantasies:
Sports Ah, sports. Most people feel left out by their experience trying to be good at chasing a ball. For men, this is especially true. However, as sports can be such a masculine thing, players are a big fantasy for gay men!
Frat boys This is mostly from the US, but every culture has their own version of a frat boy – the uber masculine playboy. Being so overtly straight, they play into gay men’s fantasies.
Cruising Fuck and leave. Sounds hot? Cruising refers to the act of having sex with strangers – especially in places designed for gay men to meet anonymously. While stemming from a need of living out sexual desires in a repressed culture, it’s still a staple for the gays even today.
Pet play Good boys do as they’re told. Deeply intertwined with D/s dynamics, pet play is a huge hit in the gay community.
Batman and Robin Some pop culture influence! Lots of popular character get coded gay, but the sexual tension between Batman and Robin is one for the books. The role-play is a chance to relive a lot of “realizing they’re gay” moment for many men.
Incorporating sex toys
Nowadays, thankfully, the sex tech market is flooded with toys that go beyond penetration. Besides the classic dildos and vibrators, there are many sex toys which can add to the experience: Erotic gloves, butt plugs, sex outfits. Even shopping for them can be a sexy time – and the best part is that nowadays you can do it online too.
How to have safe gay sex?
This is a BIG topic, because gay men have been (unfairly) typecast as a STI-packed community because of HIV. Anal sex does allow for more exposure to infections, and the 80s has impacted the gay community deeply when AIDS was first detected in humans.
Even today, while gay men are most commonly HIV positive, the infections for straight couples is on the rise. So, the stereotype is unfair. But it’s very important to be careful and responsible to avoid treatable and preventable diseases.
However, it’s important to say: Being STI positive is far from a life sentence as it’s been in the past. Today, there are modern treatments which grant patients long and healthy lives. This is why regular testing is so crucial.
Condoms are, obviously, the number one ally in safe sex. But it’s not limited to that. Finger protection and dental dams ensure safe sex when penetration is not at play – and are becoming increasingly accessible.
Lube is also a powerful ally in sexual hygiene. This is because the highest risk of infection comes from blood – and lube prevents injuries and micro tearings. Especially with anal play, there is never such a thing as “too much lube.”
PrEP and PEP are also modern solutions which can keep the gay community safe from HIV. The access to it varies from country to country, but it’s worth giving it a search. This is a life-saving alternative that offers sexually active gay men active protection from HIV. However, it’s important to notice: This is valid just for HIV, not other infections! This is why condoms are still very important with new partners.
Phew! This is just a basics summary: Gay sex is full of possibilities and there is always more to explore!
The trick is to keep an open mind and always be in tune with oneself to dive into this landscape remaining safe, happy, and satisfied!
What are YOUR experiences with gay sex? What are some important tips you want to share? Tell us in the comment section on the very bottom of this page. We would love to know !