Pride month is finally here! Time to celebrate queerness, diversity, love… And sex, why not? There is so much to be said and done to celebrate the LGBTQI+ community, but here at KinkyKarrot, we want to go back to basics and rejoice in sexuality and pleasure. And when it comes to lesbians, there is a lot of questions which seem to come up about sex: How does lesbian sex work? Does it require penetration? How can one practice safe lesbian sex? Well, we’re here to bring you all the answers with fun illustrations!
First things first; what is a lesbian? Well, anyone who identifies as a woman and is attracted to other people who identify as women. In the queer community, lesbians many times get the short end of the stick, being objectified and disregarded. Lesbian sex is a fetish for many straight men, but at the same time, it’s viewed as not real – and the same happens to lesbian relationships. Which is a shame, because the world of lesbian sex is colorful, full of possibilities and full of orgasms… And there’s much more to it than one might think!
How does lesbian sex work?
The myth behind the idea that “lesbian sex isn’t real sex“ stems from another (and equally harmful) myth: That sex equals penetration. When in actuality, penetration is just an (optional) part of sex.
The dogma of penetration as the only “valid” form of sex can be limiting for everyone – including straight couples. But for women and vulvic people, it’s especially bad. This is because penetration alone often doesn’t offer a lot of clitoral stimulation, a key part in sexual satisfaction for people who own a clit.
So, the first thing we need to understand is that thinking about touching or oral sex as “foreplay” is not realistic. Sex is sex – and while lesbian sex often does entail penetration, it doesn’t have to be a must – for lesbians, gays, straights, and everyone in between.
Okay, okay, say you’ve been convinced; but since there is no penetration involved at times, how does it happen? Well, usually, lesbian sex lasts longer than straight sex – and while penetration can and does happen with fingers, dildos and/or strap-ons, it’s also not always the ultimate goal. There are many positions which are optimal for lesbian pleasure, and you can find some of them below!
Scissoring and other myths: Lesbian sex positions
Missionary A classic is a classic. Missionary favors all kinds of sex and it’s very versatile. It’s also a favorite for the romantics because it allows for eye-to-eye contact and the touching of breasts and genitals. It’s also great for using a strap-on.
Spooning Three words: access to boobs! Besides being a very sweet position, it’s great for penetration and hits a lot of nice places inside the vaginal canal.
Scissoring Ah, scissoring… One of the biggest myths of lesbian sex. Some say it’s actually a thing, others swear it’s not… So, what’s the deal? Basically, scissoring is a thing – practiced by many lesbian couples. However, it’s not as popular and wide-spread as one might think – as a lot of people will tell you the position is awkward and just not the best for stimulation. However, some do vouch for it! So, we would say it’s at least worth a try!
69ing Oral sex is a big part of lesbian sex (and just sex in general, c’mon), and 69 is a position that facilitates the hottest of oral sex experiences. Whether lying down or with one person on top of the other, 69ing is a big hit for lesbians.
Cowgirl Cowgirl is a favorite because it offers a lot of control and great possibilities of tribbing (which means griding vulva on vulva – AKA clits kissing clits). It also can be great for stimulating breasts or other parts – especially when sex toys are involved.
Introducing sex toys to lesbian sex
Speaking of which… Lesbian sex can be greatly aided by sex toys. In fact, this is true for all sexual orientations and genders – but with the market flooded by new toys designed for vulvic people, there is a lot that can spice up bedroom time for the ladies.
The variety is great; and so are the prices. From basic dildos, strap-on, vibrators and finger vibrators to more sophisticated and modern toys, like double-ended dildos and strap-on, clitoral suction toys and artifacts that combine all of these.
The best way to go about it is to just dive into it – especially because looking and shopping for sex toys can be a way to spice up fantasies in itself.
How to have safe lesbian sex?
This is a hot topic in the queer community! After all, when thinking about safe sex, usually condoms come to mind – but what about fingering and cunnilingus – big parts of lesbian sex?
First off, safe oral sex and partnered masturbation should not be an exclusive of queer women. While penetrative sex does offer more risks of STI contamination, oral sex can also be highly infective. It’s important to know who to have a fluid bond with – meaning who you are going to exchange fluids with, regardless of your sexual orientation.
Because lesbians are cast out often, many also don’t think much about protecting themselves while mingling. The good news is, nowadays there are products designed to cater to those specific needs. Which is a damn relief, because not so long ago, some of the recommendations were to cut a condom to protect during oral sex (which is something you can still do in a pinch)!
Dental dams are great for protecting soft tissues, thus preventing contamination in oral sex. Finger protections that look like tiny little condoms are also fairly easy to find. You can even spice things up with an erotic glove – that doubles as protection and sex toy.
The important thing is to remember while sex is never 100% free of risks, good sexual hygiene is important for everybody. That also includes regular testing and medical checkups. And remember! Sex toys should always be kept clean and not be used from genital to genital (in this sense, condoms can be of great help).
Pleasure gap: Lessons to learn from lesbian sex
Here at Kinky Karrot, we talk about the pleasure gap often because it’s important. Basically, it refers to the gap of satisfaction between men and women when it comes to sex. But there is another important gap: Between queer women and straight women.
It’s estimated that 86% of lesbian women always or usually orgasm during partnered sex – against 66% of straight women. Yikes. The reason for that though, is not that queer women are magically better at sex – rather than lesbian sex is more focused on female pleasure.
The problem with penetration-centered sex
We have said before that penetration being always the main event can leave vulvic people quite unsatisfied. After all, it doesn’t offer all that much clitoral stimulation – and the majority of clit-owners need direct stimulation to it to orgasm.
While the orgasm alone is not indicative of how much pleasurable sex is, it’s important to note lesbian sex can offer valuable lessons for all women across the sexuality spectrum. To shift the focus away from penetration alone is to have more satisfaction for everyone involved.
So, these are the takeaways from lesbian sex everyone should incorporate into their own sex life: Sex isn’t only penetration, it doesn’t have to end with ejaculation, and it should be not only more focused on clitoris but also on other erogenous zones all over the body.
Celebrating ladies who love ladies
Lesbians have been highly fetishized, but their sex remains a mystery. We believe is about time to break this taboo and give the protagonism of their sex life back to them. After all, LGBTQI+ does start with an L!
Do you agree? What’s your experience with lesbian sex? What more do you have to add? Make sure to tell us in the comment section on the very bottom of this page!