Sex and taboo have always walked hand in hand. Through history, sex itself has been considered a taboo - as well as everything connected to it, from fantasies to practices.
In this article we will go over what is considered taboo, when does fantasizing become unhealthy, the most common taboo sexual fantasies - and how you can practice them in a safe and healthy environment.
The history of sexual taboos
Sex is a fundamental part of how us humans organize our society and relate to each other. But sex has also been considered sinful, dirty, and off-limits. Certain sexual practices have actively been outlawed in different parts of history - people would go to jail, or even get executed for having sex with partners of the same gender or outside wedlock.
Nowadays, while we’ve come a long way in normalizing and exploring our fantasies and desires, certain practices are still considered sexual taboos - and this varies in different parts of the world and social groups.
Incest seems to be something that is entirely off-limits in most cultures, but is still very much alive in the collective fantasies. Videos of sex between step-siblings are one of the number one searches in porn websites nowadays.
The practice of kink - such as BDSM, for instance, for a long time was considered a sexual taboo. This is slowly changing, as the discourse about healthy kinky practices and sexual wellness has been gaining more and more space in the mainstream.
--> What does “kinky sex” mean? Come find out in our full article on the topic!
Taboo sexual fantasies - when does fantasizing become unhealthy?
One thing that we need to remember is that what is forbidden is always enticing. It’s natural for everyone to fantasize with things that are considered sexual taboos, and chances are your fantasy is a lot more common and normal than you think. For instance, it’s very common for people in long term monogamous relationships to fantasize about extraconjugal affairs. It does not mean they don’t love their partners - or that to make the fantasy come true they need to resort to cheating (more on that later).
There is also a very interesting element to the nature of sexual fantasies and taboos. It seems sexual fantasies are directly influenced by the culture and society. One anecdote that perfectly exemplifies this is the studies around rape fantasies in women; it seems they are more common in societies where extramarital sex or female sexuality freedom are considered taboo. One hypothesis is that the rape fantasy takes away the “guilt” of desiring sex for women who are repressed for their sexuality: the idea that if the sex is non-consensual, it’s not “their idea.”
One thing that seems to be a theme is that the more a sexual practice is censored, the more likely people are to think about it. So, don’t feel guilty if your mind sometimes wanders to sexual taboo territory!
When to seek help for taboo sexual fantasies
All of that being said, there is a point in which fantasing can become unhealthy. One major red flag is if your sexual fantasy is becoming a compulsion or obsession - a consuming thought that is stopping you from performing day-to-day tasks.
Another cause for concern is if you feel the impulse to act on a certain fantasy that is inherently non-consensual.
In these cases, the best is to seek advice with a psychotherapist. Even better if they are specialized in sexuality.
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What are the most common taboo fantasies? (sexual taboo examples)
The list of sexual taboos is long - and like we said it varies a lot from place to place, group to group. But here we can cite some of the ones that seem to pop mostly to people’s minds whenever they hear “taboo sex”:
Adultery
A classic. This includes thinking about having sex with people outside your relationship, having extramarital relationships, dreaming of flirting with others, etc. This fantasy is completely normal for everyone in a relationship, really! But in some cases it can be indicative that something is off - or that you might want to experiment with open relationships. We have a whole guide to help you in case you want to explore this option: read it here
Slave/owner
The idea of totally owning or surrendering to someone else in sex is a very common fantasy.
Rough sex
Whether we’re talking whips, handcuffs, or CBT, the conflation of pain and pleasure captures the minds of many people.
Rape
In real life, rape is something destructive and traumatic. And yet - there are many fantasizing of non-consensual sex. For the reasons we’ve cited above or something else - rape fantasy is a very common taboo sex desire.
Incest
One of the most controversial sexual taboos, incest is sexual relationships among people who have blood relations - sibling, parents/children, cousins, etc.
Authority figure
It might be a doctor, a police officer, or a boss… Authority can be extremely alluring for some, as it has a mix of danger and excitement.
Genderbending sex
Whether we’re talking pegging, men in lingerie, or anything else that challenges traditional gender performance… The idea of blurring the lines between what is male and female can be quite sexy for some.
Scat
Scat is the act of involving feces and/or vomit into sex - and it is a lot more common than you think! THe safe way to do it - besides it being consensual - is using gloves to avoid any unnecessary contamination.
How to fulfill your sexual taboo fantasies?
One of the most important roles of kink is exactly to allow people to engage in taboo sex without harm - whether physical, emotional, or both. Kink creates a safe, consensual space, in which folks can play out their sexual taboos and wildest fantasies. Here are some of the common kinks which can be a great aid in living taboo sexualityfantasies.
BDSM
If you’re looking to play rough, be a master or a slave… BDSM is your pick. Read our article on BDSM to get you started with the right foot.
Roleplay
With roleplay, you can have a extramarital affair without cheating on your partner, you can go down on your chemistry teacher with no consequences, you can engage in a rape fantasy, you can even act out a secret incest desire. Click here to learn everything about how it can spice up your life.
Reading/watching
Movies and books have always had the capacity to be catharsis for things we cannot act out in our lives. For some psychologists, reading and watching about forbidden fantasies can be a way of harm reduction - especially those fantasies that are inherently non-consensual.
Caregiver/little
There is a misconception between the caregiver/little dynamic and pedophilia. However, if adult/children relationships in sex is something that intrigues you, you should read all about this kink and how it works - it might just be the thing for you.
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Sexual taboos are just as common as sex itself - and what is considered taboo varies a lot. But if you’re looking to engage in taboo sex, kink might be the perfect tool to help you express yourself and feel fulfilled - without harm to you or others.